I don’t like to make personal posts because this blog is
supposed to be about the stories and not about me. But I feel like I need to
give readers a heads up on the near future of this blog.
A few weeks ago I arranged to have someone watch my two and
three year old sons while I was in another room writing. I wanted to take
advantage of the month off from college to be as productive as possible. While
I was attempting to do this, my three year old accidentally shut his brother’s
hand in a folding table and cut the tips of two of his fingers off. One
fingertip was reattached (five stitches) but it seems to be failing. The doctor
does believe that due to his age they are likely to regrow, but that doesn’t
make the whole thing any less awful.
It was a freak accident. The babysitter did nothing wrong
and even if I had been in the room staring straight at them I probably could
not have prevented this. The table has been in in my family for generations and
no one has been hurt by it before.
But I feel guilty anyway. My brain has connected the
incident to my writing and it’s making it very difficult to write anything,
especially UWT since that’s what I was working on. I know it’s irrational, but
I need some time to get past this.
So what this means for the blog is that I will likely post
some fan fiction (Supernatural and maybe Teen Wolf) and then maybe another
project before I return to UWT. I promise I will continue it—I just need to get
over this mental wall of guilt I’ve constructed. I imagine there isn’t much of
an audience for this type of fan fiction, but it’s very low stress for me to
write.
Thank you for being patient with me,
- AK
OMG.... It is not irrational at all, I completely understand...I hope for the best for your child and Thank you for even sharing such a personal event with us.
ReplyDelete- Your Fan SA
Thank you for this comment, I'm glad you didn't think something so personal was inappropriate. When I read the word "fan" I was kind of shocked and thrilled, lol. I never thought I'd read that word in association with me. Thank you!
DeleteI'm very sorry to hear that hun. As a mother, I can understand how a trauma like that would induce guilty feelings. No matter what happens to our children, whether its someones fault or not, you still feel like you failed at protecting them. Take your time with this. If you decide to take up the story again, that's fine. If not, that's fine too. I'll still be around to read whatever you throw out there! And if anyone gives you a hard time about it, tell them to come talk to me. :) Take care!
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words =] Children getting hurt is so awful, my son seemed over it by the next day, a little weirded out by the bandages at first, but then it was like he just adapted. It's been much harder on me. It's reassuring to hear you would be willing to read whatever I write, but I am feeling a lot better about it all now =]
DeleteA mother's reaction has nothing to do with logic and rational emotions. Especially when they're young like that. Yes, that's going to affect you more than makes sense in a dispassionate examination, but dispassionate is the opposite of what it feels like as a mother.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, hon. You won't forget this, (not because you shouldn't, but because you simply won't) but you'll learn to deal with it.
BTW, I have a friend who cut off the end of his middle finger from the last knuckle up as an adult. Himself. (Accident, obviously.) He's fine. And has a funny looking finger to show off when we've all been drinking too much. ;)
LP
As an entirely different point but it made me think of it:
ReplyDeleteAs a teenager, I was in the middle of reading a book I was totally into when someone came and told me about the suicide of my best friend. I remember looking at the book and thinking I'd always connect those two things in my head. Of course I remember the moment, and where I was. But I couldn't tell you what the book was. No idea.
LP
Thank you LP for your wise words. Being a mother really has been a very different experience than I expected. My son was lucky in that while one bone was fractured, they remained intact beyond that. Hopefully if there are any scars they will be the kind of one's he'll want to show off later. It could have definitely been worse.
DeleteLosing someone to suicide is so hard. Especially a best friend because they are so hard to find in the first place and then there is that feeling of betrayal because they did that instead of coming to you. That may not have been how you felt, but I know when I lost my brother to suicide I was so sad and so angry at the same time. I was at a pumpkin patch when he killed himself, it was the first time I had taken my kids and we were all so excited. We didn't find his body until the next day and I was so shocked that I could have been out obliviously having FUN, while he was dead. I never carved the pumpkins I got and I didn't even like looking at any pumpkin for a while afterwards. But they don't remind me of his death anymore. I didn't get a pumpkin last Halloween (too soon), but I will this year and it will be fine. So if I didn't form a crippling association with squash over that, I'm sure I'll be fine with this. Thank you for sharing your experience, it takes courage.
Im sorry to hear that. Im a working single mum so i completly understand when incidents occur with your children while your working you feel really guilty even though its totally not your fault accidents do happen. Hope you and your children are okay.
ReplyDeleteTake Care
Your fan
ps: I love everything you have written so far and sure to love everything your going to write in the feature even if you are unable to write UWT.
Thank you =] I'd kind of gotten it into my head that UWT was the only reason anyone visited this blog. So thank you for letting me know that isn't true. And there is that "fan" word again. Seriously, I need no more recognition beyond this moment, I am satisfied =D
DeleteThe guilt when something happens to your kids while someone else is watching them is so hard. One relative told me that, "this never would have happened if you didn't try to be so busy." I don't think that's true though, this could have happened if I had been staring straight at them. I didn't realize a table could do that, none of us did. Really that person is just old fashioned and doesn't believe women should be in college, or have careers, so that's where that comment came from.
I have just found your stories and I am on chapter 4 right now. I have to say first of all I am sorry this has happened to your child. I know that has got to be a horrible experience. I am mixed on whether to continue reading or not. I am really getting into the story, but if it may not be finished I don't know what to do. I will probably finish reading, and just hope that after 6 months you will continue with the story. you know that your writing, and doing what you love to do had no impact on what happened to your child? I have 2 children as well, but on the older side of things, 18 and 14. Even though I have just started, i have gotten hooked on your boys. So I will keep my fingers crossed and hope you start up again. Melissa
ReplyDelete