Merry Conniptions

 Beta by the ever awesome LP, all remaining mistakes are entirely my fault.

Mirth straightened his tie. He wanted to make a good impression. This was the perfect opportunity to show his superior, Revelry, that he had what it took to spread holiday cheer.

As Mirth stepped to the front of the line he was able to read “Myrtle” on the name tag of the woman behind the counter. Myrtle looked especially in need of cheering, as seemed to be the case with most airline employees.

“Next,” she said.

Show time.

“How can I help you?” She made eye contact for the briefest moment possible before returning her attention to the monitor.

Mirth could barely contain his excitement. Boy, was she in for a treat today.

“Ma'am, you aren't here to help me,” he said, beaming at her.

Oddly Myrtle frowned at his words. “If you have any criticisms about the quality of service we provide, you will need to complete this form.” She laid a piece of paper on the counter in front of him. “Anything else I can help you with?”

“Ma'am, you misunderstood. I am here to help you.”

“Wonderful,” she said and her flat, apathetic tone did no justice to the word at all. She punched some keys on her computer before pointing at the sign above her station. “This is the claims desk for lost luggage. If you've actually lost any luggage I will need you to fill out a form.”

“Did you hear me ma'am?” She was old so it was possible she had a hearing impairment. Mirth decided to speak louder, just to be safe. “I have come to help you by showing you that it is possible for even a lowly public servant, like yourself, to be filled with the holiday spirit.”

She blinked once. It wasn't the response he'd expected. A jump for joy, her hands clasped in glee, the names of his team mates singing from her tongue would have been much more appropriate. 

“Sir, have you lost your mind?” she said finally.

“I haven't lost anything.” Mirth grinned and made a sweeping motion at himself to demonstrate just how intact he was. “Especially not my holiday spirit!” He waited for her to laugh at his joke.

She didn't. She did threaten to call security.

Even the most optimistic of sentiments knows there are times when it's best to retreat and regroup.

After returning to the main area he stopped to scan the passing humans. He took a moment to remind himself that just because his assignment was off to a bad start was no reason to become disheartened. He'd been restricted from interacting with humans ever since the episode in spring. It was difficult to imagine, but there were times when laughter was considered inappropriate. Particularly when done without apparent provocation. Although why the humans would have a ritual child's egg hunt in the same building where they mourn their dead he would never know. Human customs were always confusing to him.

 He spotted one of his fellow bringers of glee and good tidings, Merry, attempting to bring smiles to the faces of humans as they rushed through the terminal. She didn't appear to be having any success either.

Maybe the mistake was that they were working alone. Humans had to be in decent spirits before they could produce genuine mirth. Anything less was likely to be mere nervous laughter—a paltry substitute for the real thing.

“Good tidings and cheer, Merry,” Mirth said.

“Good tidings and cheer,” she replied. She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes. It was a terrible thing to see in someone of her constitution.

“Want to work together?”

“That would be wonderful.” She clasped her hands and bounced, demonstrating appreciation in a manner far superior to Myrtle’s. “This is harder than I thought.”

“It's odd isn't it? 'Tis the season, and yet all the humans are in awful moods. They're on their way to see their loved ones. I thought this would be easy.”

“Me too, but we mustn't lose faith. Most of the humans are so eager to get where they're going that the wait makes them disgruntled. They are really full of love and joy, we just need to nudge them a little to make it manifest.”

That sounded plausible and Merry was usually right. She certainly made better marks than him at the academy.

“Where do you want to work first?” he asked.

“Well, none of them stay here long enough for me to accomplish much. Maybe some place where they hold still would be easier?”

“Well, they stand in lines at the baggage claims area, but I was just there and I, uh, would prefer to wait a bit before returning. How about the check-in area?”

“Oh, no!” Merry pressed her hand over her heart in an open expression of dismay. Which was not only against regulations, but startlingly out of character.

“Well if you don't like that idea we could try—”

“Not that. What is he doing here?”

“Who?” Mirth turned to follow her gaze. He was relieved that it wasn't his suggestion that was at fault for her momentary lapse in behavior.

“Standing next to Revelry, by the food court.”

Mirth felt a lump in his throat even before he saw who it was.

Because he knew.

Next to Revelry was Woe, and where there was Woe there would be Ire and…

“Conniption,” Merry said, completing his thought. “Quick, let's go before he sees you.”

But it was too late. The target of their unrest turned as if by some mysterious sense and his eyes made contact with Mirth's. He waved and then started to approach with his ever confident stride. 

“So I see the cheer squad is out on patrol as well,” Conniption said. He graced them with a wide grin. Mirth thought his team shouldn't be allowed to make use of such expressions. Since the manner in which they wielded them was a perversion of the natural order. 

“Good tidings and cheer—oops.” Merry pretended to be embarrassed by her use of a non-neutral greeting to a contrary sentiment, even though all of them knew she'd done it on purpose. “Forgive me, Conniption. I meant to say 'greetings.'” 

“Greetings, Merry. Greetings Mirth.” Conniption appeared more amused than offended by her slight. Mirth felt a resonance with the emotion despite himself. Sometimes there was a downside to his disposition that sought the good in everything, because every once in a while it tried to find something good about Conniption. It was bad enough that he wasn't as physically unappealing as most of the misery-spreaders, but that he expressed joy over his work was altogether too much. It couldn't be helped though; laughter could make anybody more attractive.

Which was why it was imperative that Mirth get away from him as quickly as possible.

“We are busy with our work, so we don't have time to talk,” Mirth said, keeping his expression neutral. Unlike Merry, Mirth wasn't prone to rubbing cheer in the faces of the willfully-cheerless.

“I understand.” Conniption nodded.

Merry and Mirth quickly made their escape.

“So where are we going?” Conniption asked as his footsteps fell into place beside them.

Mirth paused, his heart thumping at the sound of his rival's voice. His body appeared to be confused over his goal. He reminded it firmly that it wanted Conniption to go away.

“It would be very inefficient to work together, Conniption,” Merry said. “Our administrations would cancel each other's out.”

Conniption shrugged. “At places like this my job almost does itself. Whatever human invented lines was a genius. But I may as well tag along and make sure you don't undo too many of my accomplishments.”

“Do what makes you happy,” Merry said with her most pleasant smile. But neither it nor her words had the usual wilting effect they would have had on any other of Woe's underlings. Joy wasn't as repellent to Conniption as it was to others like Sorrow, Despair or even Ire. He was one of the grey sentiments, which meant he could go either way. Which made him all the worse because he chose misery over cheer.

Mirth did his best to ignore Conniption as they entered the check-in area. There were four individual lines, all of them long enough to reach the doors. He hoped Merry's belief that it would be easier to work wonders with humans that stayed in one spot would outweigh Conniption’s conviction that lines paved the road to trouble.

Merry stiffened in alarm. Her eyes focused on Mirth and she mouthed a word he couldn't understand.

What? he mouthed back.

She repeated the word just as silently.

Which didn't help. Mirth quirked his eyebrows at her to help her realize that.

She rolled her eyes in a way that was decidedly not cheer-inspiring. She mouthed the word slower.

“Wild?” he mouthed back. It didn't come out quite as soundlessly as he'd meant it to.

Mirth jumped when Conniption's hand fell on his shoulder.

“Merry is saying 'child' or not saying 'child' rather, because she doesn't want me to notice.”

Merry sucked in her bottom lip as if battling a frown. Mirth was shocked. She was making a remarkable number of near negative expressions today. She would end up with a reprimand if she wasn't careful.

“Oh…” Mirth searched for something inspiring to say to distract her from her dangerous emotions. “A child is a wonderful thing. They are free and quick to express their joy and laughter.”

“They are free and quick to express all of their emotions.”

The way Conniption said it made Mirth pause to consider his words. There was nothing bad about the changeable nature of a child's feelings. Even if they succumbed to a less than pleasant one, they could return to good cheer just as fast. He didn't know why this would matter to Conniption.

Conniption chuckled at his confusion. The rich sound of his laughter made heat build in places on Mirth’s body that he refused to acknowledge. 

“Let me demonstrate,” Conniption said.

“That's not necessary, we believe you,” Merry said. There was a hint of panic in her voice.

But he'd already closed his eyes and was whispering something they couldn't hear. After a short wait, in which Merry had stopped breathing, he opened his eyes and gestured at the flat TV on the wall. The news channel which had been frightening the humans with tales of economic mishaps was promptly switched to a bright and cheerful kid's show.

The child nearest them, a little girl, as well as a little boy a few lines over, began to laugh and clap in glee.

Mirth smiled at Merry. Maybe the occasional good feelings he had toward Conniption were not misplaced after all. 

He watched as Conniption looked fondly at the children. His expression was warm and inviting.

“I think that should do it,” Conniption announced.

“Do what?” Mirth asked.

He said nothing, instead again closing his eyes. This time the TV turned off. The children froze. After a brief silence they began to cry. Then wail.

An adult approached the TV and pressed the power button. It failed to work.

The children grew louder. Their guardians tried to hush them but their embarrassment made their efforts artificial and ineffective. Stress and irritation began to increase along the lines.

Merry sighed and shot Mirth a look.  

Conniption laughed, but this time it was hollow and trite and it grated on Mirth’s nerves.

The man at the front of the line began to shout to be heard over the shrieks of the children. In response the woman behind the counter pressed her lips together and her posture became tense.

Conditions were deteriorating. Mirth had to do something but he had no idea what.

Conniption moved forward. Humans glared at him as if they suspected he was attempting to cut in line. The shouting man had a beverage in a disposable cup sitting on the counter. Conniption carefully slid it closer to him before returning to his place beside Merry and Mirth.

The man didn't notice that his cup had been moved at all. It was nice to see that not everything Conniption did was a success. Being constantly one-upped could have a negative impact on Mirth's own sense of confidence. 

The man behind the angry customer was radiating anxiety. It would take the slightest nudge to produce nervous laughter, which in this situation might be the best he would get.

Mirth began to tweak the man's emotions. Causing spontaneous laughter was exactly what he had been disciplined for previously, but this time it was different. An airport was very different than church and maybe the joyful sound of merriment would ease the tensions of other line-formers.

Just as the anxious man threw back his head to release a guffaw, the angry man made a sweeping gesture with his hand that sent his cup of coffee tumbling onto the counter of the service worker.

She yelped, leaping to her feet to brush the hot fluid off of her uniform. Muttering oaths as she looked for something to clean up the mess soaking into her collection of forms and drizzling into her keyboard.

The angry man spun to confront the anxious man that was still laughing, loud and somewhat hysterically, behind him.

“Something funny?” he asked.

Mirth, distracted by the commotion, had completely forgotten to make him stop. He quickly fixed his error.

“Uh, no, I—” The anxious man's words were cut off by a swift blow to his jaw. He staggered for a moment. Mirth worried he was going to fall but he didn't.

He retaliated.

The angry man didn't look nearly as angry when pinned to the floor with the anxious man straddling him pounding him with his fists.

One of the workers shouted for security while the wails of the children played accompaniment to the cacophony.

“Oh, dear,” Merry said.

Mirth watched in dismay as security arrived and took both men into custody.

“You don’t think they’ll be detained long, do you?” Mirth asked. He hoped they wouldn’t be too inconvenienced. This didn’t have to be as bad as it looked. Maybe the brief confinement would teach both men to resist violent impulses in the future. Despite how things appeared, good had a habit of lurking where least expected.

“Only long enough to miss their flights,” Merry said. “The loved ones waiting for them will be so disappointed. Not to mention the loss of money from the wasted tickets, or what they’ll be forced to endure if they have legal charges brought against them.”

Mirth frowned; he couldn't help it, even though he knew it was against the rules. But before he could get his expression under control he felt a touch on his shoulder.

It was Conniption, but he wasn’t offering sympathy. Instead he pointed to the counter where the employee had placed a sign that read “closed.”

He watched as the remaining three lines grew proportionally in both frustration and length. 

“I should bring you along with me more often,” Conniption said to Mirth, his voice husky with enjoyment. “I never would have achieved so much without you.”

There was a beep as one of their cell phones began to ring. They all checked their pockets. It was Mirth's. The name on the screen inspired a second frown.

“Good tidings and cheer, Sir,” Mirth said as he answered. He tried to sound like he meant it.

“Good tidings and cheer. I need you to report to me at once.” Revelry didn't sound angry, but he was a professional cheer giver, so that wasn't surprising.

“Let me explain, Sir, I—”

“I expect to see you immediately. Happy holidays.”

“Happy holidays,” Mirth choked out to a line was already dead. If Revelry knew what all he'd done, he might never be allowed to work another holiday.

Merry and Conniption were waiting for him to explain.

“I have to report to Revelry,” he said.

“Oh, Mirth.” Merry's lips gave him a smile but her eyes gave him sympathy. He appreciated it. “Did you want me to go with you?”

“No, you would do more good here, trying to undo some of the damage, but thanks anyway.” He gave her a sincere smile, he knew she was terrified of reprimand and that had been no small offer.

“Nonsense, we'll all go,” Conniption said. He patted Mirth heartily on the back. “You could use the support. I mean, so far the only one you've made laugh is me. Too bad you can't take credit for that, right?” 

Mirth took a long, calming breath, but the combination of chemically cleaned carpet and poorly circulated air somewhat reduced its ability to soothe. He had no idea how for even a moment he had thought the other sentiment was attractive.

But he didn't protest when Merry and Conniption walked beside him back to where they'd last seen Revelry.

Revelry and Woe broke off their conversation as they approached. They were old friends which was something that had always confused Mirth. What possible connection could there be between occasions of merrymaking and feelings of sorrow and regret?

“You want me to get this one?” Woe offered. “I know you find this part distasteful.”

“No, he's mine, I'll take care of it.” Revelry smiled at Mirth. “Thank you for arriving so quickly.”

“I'm sorry, Sir, I didn't mean to reduce the cheer quotient.”

“I know you didn't, Mirth.” Revelry patted his arm. “But we've had the talk before about the consequences of spontaneous laughter.”

“Oh.” It took Mirth a moment to be able to form words. Not wanting to appear rude he forced out the firsts ones out that came to mind. “I didn't know you could tell.”

Revelry raised an eyebrow at that, while Mirth wished he'd remained speechless.

“I've been monitoring you, due to your past issues.”

“That's very gracious of you, Sir.” Mirth plastered the biggest smile he could onto his features. He wanted his supervisor to realize that not only was he cheerful, he was an expert in cheer-dispensement and it would be a travesty to remove him from this assignment.

He felt the weight of Revelry's eyes. He prayed his efforts were working.

“I do believe your spirit is in the right place.” Revelry nodded once. “So I won't remove you from your current job, but do be more careful.”

“Thank you so much, Sir. I won't let you down.”

“You have, however, earned a reprimand.”

Oh, no.

Revelry stood and began pushing his sleeves up and out of the way.

“Here?” Mirth didn't want to be disciplined in public. He felt his left eyebrow twitch. He hated it when it did that, as if he had no control over it whatsoever. It was part of his body after all, it should do as he said.

“The humans won't be able to see, I'll make sure of that.” Revelry gave him with a kind smile. “It speaks well of your devotion that you would worry about the effect witnessing your distress would have on the humans.”

Mirth forced a pleased expression at the compliment. His body was twitching in more than one place now, as if it wanted to act. To protest or flee or do something worse that he wasn't even willing to consider. Between his left eyebrow and his pulse that quickened in Conniption's presence, he sometimes feared other parts of his body would rise up in mutiny against him. Forcing him to behave in uncontrolled and wild abandon. It was a disquieting thought.

“Let's get this over with.” Revelry took a small wooden paddle out of his bag and went to sit on the closest bench. He patted his knee and his lips turned up in a way that was warm and welcoming.

While he knew it was blasphemy, he couldn't help but think that this was one of those rare occasions where a smile was inappropriate. Although he was wise enough not to say so.

As Mirth approached he was unable to keep the spring in his step. He took a brief moment to regain his calm before lowering himself into position, like a man taking a final breath before diving with cement shoes.

Since Woe, Merry and Conniption were watching, he resolved to bear his discipline in good spirits. It was important to lead by example.

Revelry tipped him forward, which made even more blood rush to his head, but must have been preferable to his superior in some way.

The first blow from the paddle sent a shock through his system and he yelped before he could stop himself. He clenched his jaw and tried to think about anything else. The second blow felt even harder than the first. His heart raced as he wondered how he would ever get through this with dignity. 

When the paddle struck again, he shifted, a moan forming in his throat.

The fourth blow dragged an involuntary “ow” from his lips. Holding still was becoming impossible.

“I can't…” he said. 

“What was that?” Revelry asked. He paused, giving Mirth time to realize his error.

“I can't, uh, express how grateful I am that you're giving me another chance.”

He received two thudding blows, the pain traveling deep into his muscles. He squirmed and gasped but managed not to say anything dangerous.

“Good, for a moment I was worried you were succumbing to negative thinking.”

“I wouldn't do that. Ever.”

“That's what I want to hear.” Revelry's tone was positively gleeful.

Mirth knew he should take comfort in that, in his joy, but the circumstances were making that difficult. Revelry, seemingly oblivious to his predicament, increased his pace. His legs began to jerking at the effort it required not to kick them outright.

“Please, Sir, I can't—”

“Thank me enough?” There was amusement in his voice but Mirth took no satisfaction from the sound at all.

He grunted, and tried to push himself off of his lap, even though he knew it was the wrong thing to do.

Revelry didn't comment, only tightened his grip and spanked him harder.

The pain was so intense it drove every other thought from his mind. He twisted and bucked, trying to free himself from his superior's grasp. But the arm against his back was as unmoving as an iron rod and no more sympathetic.

“Sir, please stop, please. I'll do anything.” Mirth knew he was begging and that later he would find that mortifying, but he was having difficulty remembering why.

“You're almost done,” Revelry said.

Mirth knew he wouldn't lie, but as the paddle continue to strike, burning its way across his rear, he decided they must have a different definition of almost. 

Long past when he thought he would perish if he was subjected to even one more swat, when he was amazed at his body's ability to live through unimaginable agony, it finally ended.

He felt himself lifted from Revelry's lap. The pain didn't stop instantly and he found himself shifting from foot to foot until he became aware of what he was doing. He turned his back on the others, forcing himself to be still as he wiped the wetness from his face.

“Let that be a reminder to take the duty of spreading cheer more seriously.”

“Of course, Sir.”

Revelry nodded a dismissal to him and Mirth left, not waiting to see if Merry or Conniption followed. He hoped they didn't even though it was unkind. He was not in a charitable state of mind. He knew he was the one that had catalyzed the events. He'd known better than to cause spontaneous laughter, but there was still a part of him that felt it was unfair that he'd been punished. This place was the problem not him. With all the crowds and lines and security and chaos and everyone tired, worried, hungry and rushed. The negative emotions were bleeding out and poisoning the atmosphere. How could anyone find cause for cheer in a place as vile and desolate as an airport? He hated it here.

Mirth gasped and froze, clasping his hand to his chest at the horror of what he's just thought. He wasn't capable of hatred. He disliked the airport. No even that was too strong. It wasn't his favorite—

A hand landed on Mirth's shoulder and he jumped in guilt as if his vulgar thoughts were on display.

“I slightly prefer other places over this place!” Mirth said far too loud for how close his face was to Conniption's.

The other sentiment blinked.

“Ok.” He gave a tentative smile. “Everyone has a right to an opinion.”

“Except disagreeable ones,” Merry said. She sounded resentful, but Mirth knew he was must be imagining that. Merry was better at controlling of her emotions than he was.

“I'm sorry you were spanked,” Conniption said. He sounded sincere. “I didn't realize that's how Revelry handled discipline.” 

Conniption's hand was still on his shoulder and he gracefully shrugged it off. He looked away, not wanting to discuss what had happened to him any longer.

“So how does Woe punish greys?” Merry asked.

Mirth was curious despite himself. He'd wondered about that before. If cheer-bringers were punished with suffering, and suffering-bringers were punished with Cheer, what did happen to those with no opposite?

“It's custom tailored, but for me it's boredom.”

Mirth felt himself bristle at that. He couldn't see how that could possibly compare with being beaten.

“We need a plan,” Merry said.

“You need to come up with something. I don't suppose you can just tie the humans down and tickle them.” Conniption chuckled and it sent bubbles of heat searing down Mirth's body. The idea he conjured was scandalous, people restrained into forced laughter. Then the image of Conniption tied down and laughing flitted into his mind.

It was remarkably hard to get that image to flit back out again. Mirth looked away, his face hot. Someone as disagreeable as Conniption shouldn't be able to inspire such thoughts. 

“The problem with the airport is there are too many things going wrong,” Merry said. “There are so many lines and everyone's in a hurry. They don't have time to be happy.”

“We could get rid of the security check points,” Mirth suggested. “No more bag searches, no more metal detector lines. That would make things move faster.”

“I don't think we have enough influence to accomplish that, but reducing the lines is a good idea.”

“If only there weren't so many mistakes and problems. But everything goes wrong, from lost luggage to flight delays to rescheduling…”

“If you fix one problem, that will have a positive effect on the others, which will go on to affect other things and cheer will continue to spread,” Conniption said.

It was a wonderful thought, although Mirth wasn't sure if it would work that way in practice. It was good to see that Conniption wanted to be helpful. He hoped it wasn't a trick. It didn't feel like a trick, but then he'd never been particularly good at detecting those.

Helpful or not, it didn't change that they were on opposing teams. If he was to have any chance at making up for his mistakes it would have to be without Conniption's presence.

He glanced at Conniption and caught him looking at him in a way that made him throb with the holiday spirit.

Also it was hard to think with him around.

“Conniption, your assistance has been very helpful to us.” Mirth ignored the raised eyebrow Merry gave him. “But it would be more productive for our respective teams if we worked separately.” The look of disappointment on the grey's face prompted him to keep talking even though he hadn't planned what to say. “Maybe afterward we could meet up and exchange stories of our successes.”

Conniption grinned. The left corner of his mouth dimpled but not the right. Mirth fought the urge to trace it with a fingertip.

“It's a date then.”

Date? He hadn't meant it like that, but his heart thumped faster at the prospect anyway.

Conniption gave him a nod and winked at Merry before striding away. Mirth's eyes lingered on his retreating form and he assured himself it was only because he was envious of the confidence in his walk.

“If you switch teams I will follow you around and chant good tidings at you each and every day,” Merry said.

“I would never do that, I promise.”

“You're going on a date with an underling of Woe.”

 “He's a grey so he's not completely bad. It's ok to be friends with him.”

“He's not going to switch teams.” Merry gave him a smile that was heavily laced with concern. “I don't want you to set yourself up for a fall.”

“It'll be fine. I know what I'm doing, speaking of which, I have a plan.”

Mirth graced Merry with his brightest smile and by the time he was done explaining his idea, she was returning one that dispelled shadows for nearly a three meter radius.

*          *          *

“You don't know what you're doing.” Merry's lips were tight and only slightly upturned. As if all her efforts to perform her duty to smile were being crushed beneath the weight of her disapproval.

Her feelings were justified. Mirth was at a loss on how to deal with the crowd of angry travelers that had amassed. They were feeding off of each other's anger and worry so that even if he did manage to bring cheer to one, it would be undone in seconds. Several employees had left their posts to assist and that had resulted in longer lines elsewhere.

“I really thought if we got rid of the source of their frustrations, they would be less frustrated. I mean, doesn't that make sense?”

Merry made a half-shrug-half-nod gesture as if she agreed, but didn't want to admit to anything that had been proven incorrect.

“You saw them, no matter how much of a hurry they were in, they would stop and squint up at the screens until they read something that upset them about the time of their flight or departure. Then they would grumble, or curse, or rush off with renewed panic—that one poor woman even burst into tears. How could getting rid of such a terrible thing not be a cause for cheer?”

Security had arrived and he could only hope that no one would get upset enough to throw any punches.

“You would almost think humans are disappointed because they can't find something to be disappointed about.” Mirth sighed and then quickly covered up the sound with a forced laugh.

His cell beeped. He felt a trickle of dread roll down his spine.

It was Revelry.

Not now. He needed time to fix this. He could still fix it. He just needed a chance.

Before he had time to think better of it, he detached the battery from the back of his phone and slipped both into his pocket. Later, when everyone was distracted by celebrations of his astonishing success, he would claim it had been an accident.

If Merry saw what he'd done, she chose not to comment, and for that he was grateful.

“Can you turn the monitors back on?” she asked.

“I don't know. I wanted to make it hard for them to do it themselves, so I did a variety of things to the electrical components. I didn't put much thought into how to reverse it.”

Merry closed her eyes. Mirth wished he could close his ears. Every curse word or shout was a reminder of how out of control the situation had become.

At the edge of his vision he saw more people arriving. He turned to see Conniption leading two other cheer-bringers toward him.

He hoped they didn't plan on escorting him back to Revelry.

But Conniption's eyes were not on him. They were dark, the irises all but gone as they focused on the crowd. Mirth knew with the meagerest of efforts he could push the humans into fits.

Before Mirth had a chance to test how effective begging would be on one of Woe's underlings, Conniption took a deep breath and forced his gaze away from the crowd.

“I brought you some new recruits.” Conniption waved a hand at Jolly and Gay.

“Can either of you fix the monitors?” Merry asked. Her eyes shimmered with renewed optimism. Mirth hoped she wouldn't be disappointed.

Gay bobbed her head with enthusiasm before moving to stand beside the monitors. She closed her eyes and pressed a palm against the side of one. Her lips moved without sound, the way some humans do when they read.

After a few moments the monitors blinked back to life. The upsetting but desired information began to scroll across the screens.

A cheer went out from the crowd and the positivity of it had all of his teammates grinning. Even Conniption seemed affected by the enthusiasm.

“I was thinking about your plan to get rid of something that causes frustration,” Conniption said.

Merry paled at his words, but he continued before she could stop him.

“What do you think it would be like if there was never any lost luggage?”

Mirth was quiet while he tried to imagine what could possibly upset humans about not losing luggage. The only bad thing he could think of is that they would no longer be given a free essentials kit. That didn't seem like too great of a concession, but it was hard to tell. He wasn't very good at making predictions of this type.

“There would be a few less lines,” Mirth said. He attempted to keep his natural optimism in check. “That would free employees up to help other customers, so the waits would be shorter and those poor service people wouldn't be yelled at as often.”

“The reunions of friends and loved ones wouldn't be interrupted by the unpleasantness of missed belongings,” Merry said.

“Children wouldn't have to wait for gifts brought back from travels.” That image was enough to make Mirth beam at Conniption. It was hopeless. He was made for enthusiasm, not caution.

Jolly and Gay were nodding and smiling at the wonderful idea Conniption had brought them. This was more proof that Merry was wrong about him.

“But how would we ensure that each individual piece of luggage goes to the right place?” Merry asked. “There aren't enough of us and we'll be stuck here while the luggage flies all over the world.”  

“There are teams working in other airports,” Mirth said. “We could coordinate with them. We don't have to fly anywhere, we just have to prevent the humans from making mistakes in the first place.”

Merry nodded. “I can call Joy, Solace, Glee, Festive and Delight. I'm sure they would be willing to help as well as pass the word on to others.”

“Gay and I can oversee the loading of luggage at this airport. To make sure the right bags go to the right place,” Jolly said.

“I can oversee mistakes at the check-in counter,” Mirth said. He was pleased it was something he could do while invisible. It lessened his shame about returning after the coffee incident.

“I'll go with you,” Conniption said.

Mirth felt an infusion of warmth at the thought of spending the evening working side by side, bringing cheer to all. The way Conniption was looking at him made him think he must be feeling the pull of the holiday spirit as well.

He ignored the look Merry gave him when he accepted Conniption's offer.

*          *          *

A few hours later, when Merry approached, the bounce in her step was beautiful to witness.

“Good tidings and cheer, Mirth!” Merry said.

“Good tidings and cheer.” Mirth smiled and allowed himself to be swept into her hug.

“But why aren't you answering your phone?” She looked at him closely. “Felicity is trying to contact you.”

“Oh, um. It hasn't rung.” He did his best to hide his guilt.

“Well, she's trying to get in touch with you because our efforts have had a glorious effect. It is much easier to bring cheer to people now that no one is upset over lost luggage.”

“That's wonderful.” Behind him he could hear the sound of laughter becoming louder. A group of people were entertaining each other with charades while they waited. Conniption had been eyeing them in a way that made him nervous. As much as the sound of amusement thrilled him, his new partner had difficulty understanding that there had to be a balance.

“She has another message for you. But she wants to tell you herself. You should call her.”

Mirth took his phone from his pocket. He pretended to be surprised to find his unattached battery.

As soon as his phone powered on the message icon appeared. Eleven new messages. He tried to still the nerves that were gathering with zest. The laughter from the waiting area continued to increase and it made parts of him tingle in a way that created an uncomfortable contrast.

He told himself it was perfectly ok not to listen to the messages first because it would take too long and he shouldn't keep Felicity waiting.

“Season's greetings, Felicity speaking,” she said. Her tone was cheerful but still managed to convey her authority.

“Season's greetings, Felicity, this is Mirth. I was told you wanted to speak with me?”

“Mirth, yes of course. You've done very well with the luggage detail.”

“Thank you. I strive to do my best.”

“And you have, you certainly have.” She paused and Mirth was given a moment to bask in pride at her words. “So I have decided to make your assignment permanent.”

“Permanent?” Mirth experienced the sensation of his stomach becoming abruptly absent. He suspected if he were to search for it he would find it hiding between his toes.

“You've done miraculous things for this airport. You show a lot of promise. You will be assigned to remain here until further notice.”

He got the sense she was waiting for something. It took him a moment to realize what.

“Thank you, Felicity, I won't let you down.”

“See that you don't. Happy holidays.”

“Happy holidays.”

He looked at the rushing, irritated travelers. He was stuck here? Forever?

He stared at his phone as if he could will it to undo the last call.

Then, as if summoned by the sheer power of his dread, it began to ring.

It was Revelry.

“Hello, Sir?” Mirth answered. “I'm sorry the—”

“What is your location?” It was the first time he'd heard Revelry's voice absent of cheer.

“I'm at the check-in area. But, Sir, let me—”

“I'll be there in a moment. Stay put.”

The line went dead.

The laughter in the waiting area was now loud enough to make any nearby conversation impossible. There were almost no breaks and a few of the humans were snorting.

Mirth turned to look and saw Conniption watching as two of them rolled on the floor in hysterics. Several others were sliding down in their seats in similar fits of laughter.

“Conniption stop!” Mirth said.

“Don't you like it?” Conniption gave him a lazy smile.

“That's not the point. This is out of control. You need to stop before one of them urinates.” He was surprised by how harsh his voice was. He knew Conniption was trying and he had been a lot of help. But it was hard to be reasonable when he had just been informed that he was going to be trapped in the…place he slightly preferred other places over…until the end of time.

“Are you sure you want me to stop?” Conniption stood in front of him and trailed his fingers down Mirth's arm.

“Yes, please.”

Conniption sighed. He closed his eyes and immediately the laughter began to die down.

“There. But only because it was you that asked me.” He threaded his fingers between Mirth's and the touch of his hand was as distracting as the laughter had been. “Why are you so stressed? Something happen?”

The concern was inviting. More so because unlike everyone else, he suspected Conniption wouldn't expect him to remain cheerful regardless of how he felt.

“Felicity contacted me.”

“The big boss.” Conniption nodded in appreciation of how unusual that was.

“She wants me to be permanently assigned to the airport because of how good my success with the lost luggage has been.”

“Congratulations.” The dreaded half-smile, the smirk, appeared on his features. “So what does that make you? The guardian angel of the valise?”

“It's not funny.” Which was unfortunate, because if it had been funny it would have been a good thing. The good in this was limited at best.     

“What did you expect? There's always a punishment for a job too well done.”

There were so many things wrong with that statement.

“Good jobs are rewarded not punished.”

“So I see.”

“No you don't.” Mirth had lost his smile. “You are completely wrong.”

Conniption laughed and it wasn't pleasing at all.

“Stop it, your amusement is making a mockery of something pure and good.” Mirth was surprised to hear aggression in his own voice.

“Sorry.” Conniption gave him a lopsided grin which was only a small step above the smirk. He seemed to find Mirth's outburst endearing.

“You're not taking me seriously.”

“No, I am.” Conniptions face had gone still, but it was like a mask where the truth could he spotted here at there around the edges.

“How dare you laugh at me. Laughter is my domain and I will not let you use it against me. Especially not here in this abysmal, terrible place, with these wretched, miserable humans. I don't want to be here, I—”

Mirth's words were cut off by the firm application of Conniption's lips. For a moment all he felt was frustration at being silenced, but then he tasted him. Tasted firm sweetness of his lips, the warmth of his tongue. His mouth parted to take him in, savoring the feel of him, the invasion. He felt Conniption's hands griping his hips, pulling him forward until they melded against each other. He was all angles and hardness and heat and he could think of nothing but wanting more contact, more friction. 

Conniption broke the kiss, but kept him close, his forehead leaned against Mirth's.

“Forgive me.” Conniptions voice was low with want. “I didn't want to interrupt you, but you don't know what it does to me when you act like that.”

“Act like…?” Then it hit him. He, Mirth—a cheerful sentiment—had thrown a tantrum. He felt the blood rise to his face.

“Don't be embarrassed, it was only a little one. And I loved it.” Conniption lightly nipped his bottom lip. “But I am sorry, I didn't mean to mock you. I know you don't want to be here.”

“Oh, ok.” Mirth buried his face into the other sentiment's neck. He hoped they would go back to the kissing soon and stop talking about his slide into the uglier emotions.

“Mirth,” a stern voice said from too close behind him.

He jumped away from Conniption and turned to see Revelry and Woe. He had no idea how long they'd been standing there.

“Hello, um, gree—good tidings and cheer, Sir.”

“Felicity has informed me that due to your success you will be remaining here.” Revelry's smile was thin. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you, Sir. About my phone—”

“This is no way excuses you for the uproar at the arrival and departure monitors earlier, or for the hours you had your phone off.”

“Sir, I—”

“After we take care of your reprimand I will inform you of the specifics of your new duties.”

“Sir?” Conniption said.

“Yes?” Revelry's gaze fell onto him.

“It's my fault Mirth didn't receive your calls. I removed the battery from his phone without his knowledge.”

A small gasp escaped Mirth before he caught himself.

“I was impressed by his ability to spread cheer and I felt a desire to induce fits of laughter instead fits of frustration or rage. I was intrigued by his plan with the luggage and so I wanted him to be able to see it through. I shouldn't have done it and I'm sorry.”

“So you willfully acted against your team?” Woe asked.

“Yes, and I'm very sorry. I think I may actually be more suited to bring cheer.”

Mirth's heart was pounding. Conniption was lying for him. And he was requesting to switch sides. Mirth had never even dared to hope for that.

Woe and Revelry exchanged a look. An entire conversation seemed to pass between them but Mirth wasn't able to decipher any of it.   

“Well?” Revelry asked Woe.

“I think I understand his motivation to change teams perfectly.” Woe nodded at Mirth and then rolled his eyes.

Mirth was startled by the innuendo. He fought down the urge to defend Conniption, since it would probably make things worse. But Woe was being unfair. Obviously Conniption’s desire to switch teams came from a realization that spreading cheer was good, whereas spreading suffering was an affront to the natural order.

“All right, if you don't object?” Revelry asked.

Woe shrugged.

“I'll take him then.” Revelry paused. “But he needs to be reprimanded for his sabotage of the phone and for not expressing his decision to change in the appropriate manner.”

“No arguments.”

“You or me?”

“He's yours now, but don't wear yourself out. You'll need your energy for later.”

Mirth was shocked to see Woe leer at Revelry. Then he was scandalized when instead of putting him in his place, Revelry made a subtle but tasteless gesture with his tongue.

Conniption laughed but he silenced himself quickly when he felt three sets of disapproving eyes focused in his direction.

“All right, I have no intentions of going easy on you so I hope you won't regret your decision to switch teams after this.” Revelry sat his bag down on a seat and retrieved his paddle.

Mirth looked at Conniption with worry, but he only received a wink in reply.

Conniption allowed himself to be pulled over Revelry's lap. He looked much calmer than Mirth felt even just watching. He did tense before the paddle fell, but managed to remain silent through the initial blow.

As the paddle fell, wood striking the thin material over his upturned ass, Mirth winced in sympathy. His bottom was still sore from earlier.

Eventually Conniption began to break down. His flinches built into disquiet as he shifted and squirmed. The sound of the paddle was joined by his sharps cries of pain. He didn't beg. Mirth was on the verge of doing it for him, when Revelry finally stopped, allowing him to slide to the ground.

Mirth went to help him up. He wrapped his arms around him, the taste of salt on his lips as he kissed away his tears.

“I'm assigning you both to the airport,” Revelry said. “I hope to see considerable improvement in the cheer quotient.”

“I promise to do my best,” Mirth said.

Conniption's answer was to smile and nuzzle his face into Mirth's neck. Revelry and Woe said something as they left but Mirth was no longer paying attention to them.

He was proud of Conniption. Proud of what he had endured for him.

He would do his best to make it up to him.

“Thank you,” Mirth whispered.

“It was nothing.”

“No, it wasn't. It was heroic.”

Conniption chuckled and it was all Mirth could do not to pull him to the floor then and there.

“It was worth it. I’m going to do my best to make sure you never receive another spanking from anybody …” he ran his teeth down Mirth's ear making him shiver, “except me.”

Mirth froze. He turned to see Conniption’s face to prove that he wasn't serious. He didn’t like what he saw.

“You're joking,” Mirth said. His conviction was weak.

“I'm not.”

Conniption smiled. Which was completely inappropriate.

“You can’t reprimand me, we’re equals.” Mirth pushed away from him.

“It wouldn’t be a reprimand.” Conniption snagged his wrist and pulled him back. “You’re so irresistible when you argue.” He mouthed at Mirth’s jaw, working his way to his lips.

Mirth closed his eyes and let himself be kissed. He craved Conniption’s touch in way he’d never craved anything before. That didn’t mean he was going to go along with whatever he said.

Mirth turned away from his lips, before it became too difficult. He touched his forehead to Conniption’s the same way the other sentiment had done before.

“As far as spanking me goes,” Mirth said, his voice steady. “I’d like to see you try.”

Conniption grinned. “Challenge accepted.”

Mirth found he was grinning back, even though his feelings on the matter were far from settled. This was the point where he would typically remind himself, that although it was sometimes hard to see, good was hidden in everything, or some other cheerful affirmation. But he didn’t feel like taking the time to figure out the best one to apply.

He just wanted to get back to the kissing.