Carpe Diem

Brian was experiencing an unbearable amount of tension. He dreaded seeing Sean face to face. He’d sounded irritable enough on the phone. Sean wasn’t happy about leaving work early, and Brian’s explanation hadn’t improved his disposition. Sean managed to work full time as an RN at Bradley’s Assisted Living Home while also attending graduate school. Brian, however, had failed to retain a menial food service job for even three weeks.

If the weather had been even slightly warmer than below freezing Brian would have just walked home.

            Brian had hated the job so much that every day he’d struggled not to walk out. But he’d needed it so that he could afford to have his car repaired. He wished he’d at least managed to avoid being fired long enough for that.

            Brian's friend Will had been fired simultaneously. Unlike Brian however, Will had taken it proudly. Half the words he’d said to the owner sounded distinctly physically impossible and the other half Brian didn’t even know. He'd flung his shirt onto the counter, his bare chest impervious to the snow, as he left with the swagger only nineteen-year-olds can generate. A moment later music blared as his tires slid recklessly out of the parking lot.

            Brian’s exit was considerably meeker. He apologized several times to the owner (for both of them) before asking if he could return his shirt tomorrow. She consented but with the threat that it would be docked from his final paycheck if he forgot. Brian then slunk into the parking lot, to shiver in his thin jacket while he waited for Sean to pick him up.

            When Sean’s car pulled slowly and carefully into the parking lot, Brian had to resist the urge to run and hide. He forced his way over to the passenger door and slipped into the front seat. Their eyes met and Sean looked just as stern as he had feared. Brian used fastening his seatbelt as an excuse to avert his eyes. Their relationship had never felt like the kind between roommates even though Sean was only five years older than Brian. Sean acted more like a father figure than anything else, although Brian secretly wished they had a different kind of relationship all together. They were not related at all but their families had always been close. When Brian’s parents had passed away a few years back, the families had arranged for him to stay with Sean to finish high school. After graduation he had remained since it seemed better than moving in with his grandparents in Maine.

            Brian managed a faint greeting. Or he hoped he did. His brain was functioning too erratically to be certain.

            “Did you smoke a cigarette with William?” Sean asked. The tone of his voice sent chills ever downward throughout Brian’s body.

            “No I didn’t, you see—”

            “Do you mind if I check?”

            Check? Was there a test for smoking? Or did Sean mean he wanted to confirm his story with the owner? He wasn't sure what she'd say, but it would probably only make him sound guilty to refuse.

            “Okay … if you need to.”

            Sean nodded. Then he did something that Brian only wished he had time to brace himself for. Sean braced a hand on the far armrest of Brian’s seat as he put their faces incredibly close together. He inhaled slowly.

            It took a long time for Brian to realize he was being sniffed for any trace of cigarette smoke. It took even longer to convince his nether regions. The startling closeness of his greatest crush was exciting enough. But when his hormones and adrenaline were added to the mix they combined to create a powerful aphrodisiac. Brian desperately wanted to kiss him. Even as Sean pulled away to give a final close inspection of Brian’s finger tips, he could not free his thoughts from the spell of Sean’s proximity.

            “It’s true, you haven’t been smoking. So why am I here?”

            “Only Will smoked, I just kept him company while—”

            “And the manager fired—”

            “The owner.”

            “Whatever, your boss, fired you for that?”

            “I guess because we weren't watching the counter? And we were alone in the store? But we had our headsets on so we would’ve known if a car came through the drive-thru—” 

            “So while you both were outside smoking, you left the registers unguarded?”

            “No, no, we didn't go outside. We wouldn't do anything careless like that. It’s just that they make the employees smoke behind the fence next to the dumpsters and Will thinks it's disgusting. The smell is awful and—”

            “So where did you go?”

            “Well, Will thought it would be a good idea to smoke in the deep freezer.”

            After a moment of continued silence Brian looked to see if he was still listening. Sean exhaled slowly and then put the car in gear. While Brian was relieved that they were finally moving away from the place of his former employment (and current source of shame) he was somewhat concerned about Sean's mental state.

            “What if you were trapped in there? You could have frozen to death or run out of air—”

            “It doesn't lock. It's totally safe. I never would have done something that dumb.”

            Sean looked skeptical.

            “Seriously—they plan for things like that. Fast food places hire a lot of teens and they don't want to get sued by their parents, so—”

            “Even so, what about all the food? The smoke would affect the taste. Jesus Brian, I would have fired you too.”

            “We're not the only ones that have done this. Some of the other guys do it all the time and some of them smoke more than just tobacco. I’ve heard that's why the food is so popular. Will thinks—”

            “I don't care what Will thinks and neither should you. Do you think for yourself at all? Do you ever do anything of your own volition?”

            Brian felt his chest tighten at Sean’s words. “I don't have to listen to—”

            “Brian I don't care if you are eighteen. When you came to stay with me I promised your grandparents that I would watch out for you. I also promised to help guide you. That didn't change because you reached some magical age. So you will—most certainly—listen to me.”

            Brian turned to look at the winter scene beyond the window. It seemed impossible to make his eyes focus on anything.

            “You don't have to be such an ass about it,” Brian said.

            “Watch it.”

            They drove in silence for several blocks.

            “Look,” Sean said. “I'm not happy that you lost your job or about your attitude in general. But when it comes to the smoking issue I’m going to be positively frightening—”

            “But I told you I didn't—”

            “And you should be very grateful that it was him and not you. Cigarettes are deadly. They’re very addicting. Some of my patients have terrible health problems because they lacked the will power to stop.”

            “Of course being old has nothing to do with their health problems—”

            “Brian.”

            “I know, I know, that's why I would never—”

            “The health problems I’m talking about are very serious and very often could have been prevented. So if I ever catch you smoking, I promise that I will make sure you never want to do it again—even if I have to take you over my knee to do it.”

            Brian was shocked. Taken over his knee … as in spanked?

            “You wouldn’t.”

            “Test me some time.” Sean smiled but it wasn’t reassuring. “But it will never come to that, will it?”

            “Don’t be ridiculous. I don’t even want to smoke.”

* * *

            Which was true, he didn't want to smoke. Brian carefully tapped the pack of cigarettes against his palm the way he’d seen Will do. What he really wanted was to be spanked. Especially if Sean, the sexiest man in his sphere of existence, was the one to do it. He’d always been curious about being spanked. His parent’s had never used physical punishments, but he’d watched several of his friends be taken out of sight and disciplined in that manner. It had always seemed like some great mystery that happened to everyone but him. Now he finally had the means to test it out. Although he was still amazed that Sean considered smoking to be worse than being fired.

            Brian flipped the lighter open. It was an impressive thing, stainless steel with a phrase in Latin engraved on it. It had been a gift from Will, who claimed it said “seize the day.” Brian planned to do just that, despite how the occupants of his stomach were fluttering. After one unnecessarily held breath (since it claimed to be impervious to wind) the flame was alight. He inhaled deeply on the cigarette, involuntarily coughing from the bite of the smoke. There was no going back now. Even if Sean failed to catch him in the act there would be no disguising the scent of tobacco on his hair, clothes and fingers.

            Brian peered out the bathroom window to see if Sean had gotten out of his car yet. He hoped he didn't take too long. He didn’t want to have to light a second cigarette.

            Brian made sure to blow the smoke out of the window. It curled and drifted away from the building an astounding distance, that was made even more noticeable by the cold. Brian had seen Will blow smoke rings, and so he tried one experimentally. The result was unimpressive. It probably took a substantial amount of practice that he had no intention of getting. Particularly since he only planned to smoke this one time.

            Finally Sean looked up. Their eyes met for just an instant before Brian ducked out of sight like a coward. Brian was no longer certain he wanted to go through with this plan. The idea was mere hours old and he was starting to worry he should have given it more careful thought.

            Sean had looked confused, like he wasn't sure of what he’d seen. Any moment that would be replaced with anger. What if that was all he did was become angry? It had been a stupid plan.

            Brian flung the lit cigarette in the toilet and flushed. He took some of Sean's aftershave and sprayed both himself and the room liberally. Then he rushed to the living room to turn on the TV and act like he had been there all night.

            Sean came in and Brian heard him put away his coat and keys.

            “Brian?”

            “Hey Sean, I'm watching TV,” Brian said. He tried to sound calm.

            “Has anyone else been over?”

            “No … why?” Brian's voice broke on the last word causing him to wince. He would make a lousy actor.

            “Nothing.”

            Sean's footsteps could be heard in one of the backrooms. In the small apartment he had to be either in Brian's bedroom or in the bathroom. Brian unconsciously crossed his fingers. He wasn't sure which outcome he was hoping for, but the anticipation was starting to pose a serious threat to his health.

            “Brian, will you come into the bathroom please?” Only half of what Sean said could be heard over Brian’s heartbeat.

            
            “How come?”

            “There's something I want to show you.”

            Dread nearly paralyzed Brian. Slowly he forced himself to enter the bathroom. He was careful to stand as far away from Sean as he possibly could, not ready for him to catch scent of his transgression.

            “Look in there,” Sean said, pointing into the open toilet.

            Under ordinary circumstances he would have been hesitant. But since he suspected he knew what he was going to find, the feeling was intensified.

            And there it was. Brian's fully prepared funeral pyre drifted lazily in circles around the bowl. Lucky Strike was printed across the side in bold juxtaposition to his circumstance. Was he not allowed to change his mind? Was Lady Luck so against him that she had not allowed him to dispose of the evidence? He’d often suspected that she held a grudge against him since he was indifferent to her kind.

            “If no one else was here, then I can only assume it was yours.”

            “Sean I—”

            “Where are the rest of them?” Sean’s voice had developed an edge that did unspeakable things to Brian’s insides.

            “The rest of what?” Brian said. He had no intention to mislead, but his comprehension skills were unusually low.

            Not willing to clarify, Sean started searching Brian's pockets. Brian began to panic as large fingers poked and prodded in every nook and cranny of fabric on Brian's body. If he kept touching him that way, he was going to find a lot more than they could politely talk about. Mercifully he found the cigarettes and the lighter after only a few seconds.

            “I'm really disappointed in you. I believed what you told me yesterday—”

            “I wasn't lying then. This was my first one—”

            “Let me see…” Sean flipped open the pack, and as suggested there was only one missing. Sean didn't bother to compliment Brian for his honesty. Instead he dumped the cigarettes out into the sink and ran water over them. “Even so, you shouldn't have had even one. I am very, very upset with you.” 

             “I'm sorry. I only did it out of curiosity,” Brian said honestly. Although he would never admit what he had been curious about. Brian watched as Sean dropped the ruined cigarettes into the trash. Next he held up the lighter.

            “Please don't throw that away, it was a gift.”

            “From William? That kid's a bad influence on you.”

            “Please, I promise I'll only use it for legitimate things like starting fires and stuff.”

            “Like starting fires…?” Sean looked at him strangely before he slipped the lighter into his pocket. “I think I'll hold onto it for you until you're old enough to figure out exactly what legitimate things are.”

            Brian understood he was upset, but that was uncalled for. “I’m old enough to know how to use a lighter.”

“We’ll discuss that later.”

“The ability to make fire is one of man kind's greatest achievements—you can’t just take it away from me like—”

            “Brian. Enough.”

            “You’re right, it is enough. I'm going to go to my room now if you're through with your stupid lecture.”

            “Oh I'm through with the lecture.” Something in Sean’s tone made Brian pause. He hated himself for that. What kind of man waited for consent before storming off in a rage? “I bet you thought I was joking but I meant what I said—” Brian's heart sped up in anticipation of Sean's next words. “I'm going to blister that butt of yours over this.”

            Sean grabbed him firmly by the arm and began to drag Brian down the hall. While Brian hadn't wanted an escort, he didn't dare argue. He didn't dare speak. His thoughts were so confused he wasn't sure what would come out. Sean shoved him into his bedroom and shut the door.

            As Brian was pulled toward the bed he tried to act reluctant, although not too much. He didn't want Sean to give up. At the same time he didn't want him to think he was some kind of pervert. Flinging himself over the other man's lap probably wouldn't get the desired result.

Sean sat down on the bed and released Brian's arm, which was just starting to ache.

            “Drop your pants.”

            “What … you mean?”

            “On the bare. You've earned it.”

            “No—I can't.” Brian had a very valid reason to refuse. A very visible reason.

           

            “If I have to do it for you I'm going to use my belt.”

            While Brian had a mishmash of feelings about being spanked in general, he was completely certain he didn't want to start out with anything worse than Sean's hand. This placed him in a difficult position, since he was just as certain that he didn’t want Sean to see the state his cock was in.

            “Sean, please, I'll cooperate but can I keep my pants on? I'm not trying to disobey you but I'm really embarrassed and I've never been spanked before, so—”

            “Not dropping your pants is not cooperating. You have three seconds until I—”

            “Please, you don't understand.”

            “One.”

            “I promise I have a good reason—”

            “Two.”

            “If I take off my pants you'll think I'm a freak!”

            Thankfully that got his attention. “Brian, I've seen you naked before, there's nothing that's going to surprise me.”

            “It's just that I'm—I don't know why but—it's not for any…” Brian blushed and was unable to continue. Maybe he would rather be beaten with a belt than admit what had happened.

            “You have a hard on?” Sean said causing Brian to look at him in surprise.

            “I don't know why.” Denial was all that he had left.

            “It's just nerves. Once we get started it'll go away. It's not like you enjoy being punished or something crazy like that.”

            Of course not.

            “Now come on, I don’t really have to say the next number, do I?”

            Brian shook his head and undid his jeans. He pushed them down and Sean helped him position himself over his lap. Only after he was settled into position did Sean slide his underwear down to expose his ass to the cold air.

            Despite his embarrassment, or perhaps in combination with it, Brian was so excited he could barely keep himself from groaning or making some other inappropriate noise. He desperately hoped Sean really did believe it was only nerves. He hid his face in the comforter while he waited for Sean to begin.

            “I didn't want to have to do this to you. But I've been in charge of you for several years now and it's important to me that you don't do anything that stupid ever again. I'm going to make sure you never forget this.”

            That wasn't going to be a problem. Brian was going to cherish every moment of this experience for years to come—alone in his room with some lotion and tissues.

            Sean's hand departed from its place on Brian's bottom only to return with a significant amount of force. It brought with it something else: a rather unsettling revelation.

            It hurt. A lot. Brian knew it was supposed to, but he’d still thought it wouldn’t hurt quite so much or that he would like it more than that.

            Sean smacked him again and Brian jumped. He couldn't help himself. He’d planned to squirm a little to make Sean think he was doing a good job and to encourage him to continue, but he didn't have to fake it at all. It hurt enough to make him writhe. Not only was the point of impact painful, but the pain seemed to reverberate throughout the general area for what seemed like forever. The third blow arrived before he had time to test how eternal the agony really was. This was not a fun or sexy experience.

            “Ow. Sean stop—this hurts.” Brian tried to push himself off his lap. Sean didn't let him get more than a few inches. He continued to strike Brian’s butt over and over, working his way around in some rapid pattern that Brian was too distracted to discern.

            “Please, I'm sorry, I'll never smoke again.” If anything Sean increased his speed.

            For the first time the reality of what was happening to him started to sink in. He was being punished. This wasn't some kinky fantasy where he was in control, where he could stop when he no longer wanted to play. He had seriously pushed Sean's buttons and Sean was seriously disciplining—seriously hurting him for it.

            “Sean, please. Ow! I'm so sorry, it was stupid, ow. I won't … never … please—” It was almost like Sean didn't care. He certainly didn't stop.

            Brian kicked, and hollered, and struggled—until finally he found himself unceremoniously dumped onto the carpet.

            “Get yourself cleaned up and meet me in the kitchen,” Sean said heartlessly. Brian couldn't even fathom why he'd ever had a crush on him. He was cruel and controlling. He was the kind of person that was willing to beat people. He was supposed to be studying to be doctor, but Brian thought he had sorely misjudged his calling.

            Sean walked out of the room leaving Brian, snot-nosed and sobbing, to struggle to right his own clothes. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. He had expected to have the punishment end with his climax not his tears.

            Brian went to the bathroom mirror to inspect the damage. He could tell it was going to be severe. There would be palm-sized indigo bruises, welts and maybe even broken skin. It would be a month before he was going to be able to sit down.

            Despite the surety of his convictions, the mirror displayed a very different reality. His bottom was certainly red, but there was an unbelievable lack of bruises. It wasn't even maroon, more of a robust pink. Maybe it would just take time for the bruises to develop. Not finding the damage assessment to be as validating as he’d expected, Brian zipped up his jeans and turned away.

            After rinsing and drying his face, which somehow managed to look worse than another notable body part, Brian went into the kitchen.

            Sean was seated at the table. Brian cautiously took a seat across from him.

            “You're grounded for a week. Also you're not going to be speaking to William at all. At least not until I have a talk with him—”

            “Why? What’re you going to say to him? That's embarrassing, I—” 

            “Quiet.”

            “It's humiliating. He's going to think—”

            “Do I care what he thinks?”

            Brian slumped miserably in his chair. If he didn’t have the pain in his rear as a reminder of the consequence of defying Sean, he would have said something more.

            “Do you understand why I spanked you?”

            Because I provoked and manipulated you into it? “For smoking,” Brian managed to say instead.

            “Smoking is a very terrible habit. It's very important to me that you don't pick it up. It would kill me to see you hurting yourself in that way.” The concern in Sean's voice slightly touched Brian, but it wasn't enough to take away his anger. It was infuriating to get lectured for all the wrong reasons.

            “I'm sorry,” Brian said.

            “I don’t want to ever have to do that again.”

            “You won't have to. I really don't want another cigarette, ever again.” He'd never wanted one in the first place.

            “I just worry about you, that's all.” Sean patted him on the arm and Brian felt some of his more positive feelings return. He met Sean's eyes and the older man smiled, to his horror Brian felt a blush starting again. His recent experiences seemed to be making his emotions too easy to read. Charitably Sean didn't point out his reaction; instead he got up and got two sodas from the fridge. Brian accepted his gratefully. It gave his mouth something to do other than blunder.

            “So … grounded for a week, I'm having a chat with William and then you need to get another job.”

            Brian made a gesture somewhere in between a nod and a shrug.

            “How's your school work? Anything big coming up?”

            “Don't you have enough of your own to worry about?”

            “Being an undergrad is just as important as going to grad school. You're a freshman so this is the time to get your momentum started,” Sean said. Brian was glad the conversation was moving towards more normal subjects like school. He was starting to feel less angry towards Sean. Really Brian was probably the first person in history to have literally asked, with actions at least, for a spanking. He just hadn't liked what he'd thought he’d wanted. Sean was a bit of a control freak but he wasn't that bad. Considering how much Brian's grades had improved since he'd started living with him and how much trouble he usually kept him out of, he was probably better off with him around.

            “So … do you have any projects due? Essays, presentations—”

            “No, seriously, you worry too much. You're not going to start beating me over every little thing, are you?” It was a joke. Mostly.

            “No … although it seems to be effective. Maybe I should spank you every week you fail to find a job.”

            It was electric. Little pulses danced over his skin and Brian's cock twitched eagerly at the threat. He was shocked. He'd hated being spanked. At least he had when it was happening. Thinking back on it, the memory of Sean's treatment of him had a different effect on him entirely. Brian was starting to feel uncomfortably warm.

Did he have absolutely no ability to learn? Apparently not.

            “You wouldn't dare.”

            Sean just smiled.